Navigating ADHD and ODD: A Parent's Real-World Journey

As a parent of a 14-year-old with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), I've learned that textbook advice doesn't always match real life. If you're struggling with a child who seems to clash with every authority figure, refuses traditional treatments, and leaves you wondering if you're doing anything right - this post is for you.

The Early Signs: Recognizing the Pattern

I first noticed something was different when my son was just 6 years old. It wasn't just typical childhood defiance - there was a consistent pattern of resistance to anyone in an authority position. Teachers, coaches, relatives giving instructions - he simply wouldn't have it. What started as occasional pushback became a daily battle that affected every aspect of our family life.

Understanding ADHD and ODD

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) affects millions of children, causing difficulties with focus, impulse control, and hyperactivity. When combined with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), children display a persistent pattern of defiant, hostile, and disobedient behavior toward authority figures.

Common Signs Include:

• Frequent arguing with adults

• Refusing to follow rules

• Deliberately annoying others

• Blaming others for mistakes

• Angry outbursts and resentment

When Traditional Approaches Don't Work

Many resources will tell you about medication and counseling - and these work wonderfully for many families. But what happens when your child refuses both? My son made it clear early on: no medication, no counseling. Period.

This left me feeling helpless and isolated. How do you help a child who won't accept help?

The Breakthrough: Discovering What Motivates

Here's what changed everything for us: I realized that when my son wants something badly enough, he absolutely can control his behavior. Going out with friends? He'll be respectful to earn that privilege. A new pair of shoes he's been eyeing? Suddenly, he can follow directions without argument.

This wasn't manipulation - it was motivation. And it became the foundation of our entire approach.

What Works for Us:

Earning Privileges Through Work
My son loves to work and earn his own money. We've built on this by connecting his behavior to earning opportunities. When he shows respect and self-control, he earns the chance to work for the things he wants.

The No-Lying Policy
We established complete honesty as our family foundation. I don't lie to him, and I expect the same in return. This mutual respect has brought us closer and created clearer communication than we ever had before.

One-on-One Conversations
The biggest game-changer for managing his anger? Pulling him aside for private, one-on-one conversations. Away from an audience, without the pressure of others watching, he can hear me and I can hear him. These moments have become our reset button.

Managing the Anger Challenge

His anger was the most challenging aspect of choosing not to use medication or counseling. The intensity could be overwhelming for our entire family. But through consistent one-on-one conversations and helping him understand his triggers, he's learning to control his anger rather than let it control him.

It's not perfect, and it's not quick - but it's progress.

Practical Strategies That Work

For School Situations:

• Communicate openly with teachers about what motivates your child

• Ask for private conversations rather than public corrections

• Share successful strategies from home

For Home Management:

• Identify what your child genuinely values (friends, activities, purchases)

• Create clear connections between behavior and privileges

• Establish mutual respect through honest communication

• Find private moments for difficult conversations

Building Self-Control:

• Recognize and acknowledge when they DO control themselves

• Help them identify their triggers

• Celebrate small improvements in anger management

• Be patient with the learning process

The Reality Check

This journey isn't easy, and there are still difficult days. But understanding that my son CAN control his behavior when properly motivated has been life-changing. It shifted our focus from trying to force compliance to understanding what drives his choices.

Hope for Other Parents

If your child refuses traditional treatments, you're not out of options. If the authority battles seem endless, there might be motivation you haven't discovered yet. And if you're feeling alone in this journey - you're not.

Every child with ADHD and ODD is different, but the common thread is this: they're still learning, still growing, and still capable of positive change when we meet them where they are.

The key is finding what works for YOUR child, not what the books say should work. Sometimes the most unconventional approaches lead to the biggest breakthroughs.

Remember: This post shares one family's experience and shouldn't replace professional medical advice. Always consult with healthcare providers about your child's specific needs.

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Beyond the Stereotype

We've all encountered someone who seemed a bit too self-absorbed, who constantly needed validation, or who never seemed to consider how their actions affected others. We might casually say "they're so narcissistic" and move on. But true Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) goes far deeper than simple self-centeredness, and understanding it can be crucial for anyone who has been impacted by it.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, an overwhelming need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. But here's what many people don't realize: beneath that inflated self-image often lies profound insecurity and fragility.

The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) outlines specific criteria for NPD, including an exaggerated sense of self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success or power, belief that they are "special" and can only be understood by other special people, and a sense of entitlement. However, living with or knowing someone with NPD reveals layers of complexity that clinical definitions can't fully capture.

The Two Faces of Narcissism

One of the most important insights about narcissism is that it doesn't always look the way we expect. There are generally two presentations:

Grandiose (Overt) Narcissism is what most people picture: the loud, boastful person who dominates conversations, demands attention, and openly believes they're superior to others. They're the ones who walk into a room expecting everyone to notice.

Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissism is far more subtle and often goes unrecognized. These individuals may appear shy, anxious, or even self-deprecating on the surface. But underneath, they harbor the same sense of entitlement and lack of empathy. They may play the victim, use passive-aggressive tactics, and become deeply wounded by any perceived slight. This type can be particularly confusing because their fragility seems genuine, making it harder to identify the narcissistic patterns.

The Core Characteristics

Through observation and experience, several key traits consistently emerge in those with NPD:

Lack of Empathy: This is perhaps the most damaging characteristic. It's not that they can't intellectually understand that you have feelings—they can often recognize emotions well enough to manipulate them. Rather, they struggle to genuinely care about those feelings or let them influence their behavior. Your pain doesn't move them unless it somehow affects them.

Need for Constant Validation: Imagine needing a steady stream of admiration just to feel okay about yourself. People with NPD require what's called "narcissistic supply"—attention, praise, and validation from others. When this supply runs low, they may become anxious, depressed, or even aggressive.

Fragile Self-Esteem: Paradoxically, despite appearing supremely confident, their self-worth is incredibly fragile. Even minor criticism can trigger what's known as "narcissistic injury," leading to rage, withdrawal, or vindictive behavior. They live in a constant state of defending an inflated but unstable self-image.

Difficulty with Genuine Relationships: True intimacy requires vulnerability, mutual respect, and genuine interest in another person's inner world. These are nearly impossible for someone with NPD. Their relationships tend to be transactional—people are valued for what they provide: admiration, status, resources, or utility.

The Impact on Others

Understanding NPD isn't just academic—it has real implications for those in relationships with narcissistic individuals, whether romantic partners, family members, friends, or colleagues.

The Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation: Many people describe a pattern where the narcissist initially "love bombs" them with intense attention and affection. You feel special, chosen, uniquely understood. But once you're invested, the devaluation begins. Suddenly, nothing you do is right. The same qualities they once praised become sources of criticism. This whiplash is intentional, whether conscious or not—it keeps you off-balance and seeking to return to that initial pedestal.

Gaslighting and Reality Distortion: When confronted with their behavior, people with NPD often deny, deflect, or rewrite history. They may insist conversations never happened, that you're "too sensitive," or that you're the actual problem. Over time, this can make you doubt your own perceptions and memories.

Walking on Eggshells: Living with or around someone with NPD often means constantly monitoring their mood, carefully choosing your words, and suppressing your own needs to avoid triggering their rage or withdrawal. It's exhausting and can lead to anxiety, depression, and loss of self.

Why Does NPD Develop?

While we don't fully understand all the causes, research suggests NPD develops from a combination of factors. Some theories point to childhood experiences—perhaps excessive criticism, neglect, or conversely, excessive pampering without appropriate boundaries. There may be genetic and neurobiological components as well.

What's important to understand is that while these factors may explain NPD, they don't excuse harmful behavior. Compassion for someone's past doesn't mean accepting abuse in the present.

The Challenge of Treatment

Here's a difficult truth: NPD is notoriously resistant to treatment. Why? Because successful therapy requires acknowledging that there's a problem, being willing to be vulnerable, and genuinely wanting to change. These are precisely the things that people with NPD struggle with most.

Many people with NPD only seek therapy when facing external consequences—divorce, job loss, legal issues—and may view therapy as a way to get others to change or to learn better manipulation tactics rather than for genuine self-reflection. Some do make progress with long-term, specialized therapy, but it's a difficult road.

Protecting Yourself

If you're dealing with someone with NPD in your life, here are some insights that can help:

Set and Maintain Boundaries: This is crucial. Decide what behavior you will and won't accept, and stick to it. People with NPD will test boundaries repeatedly. Be prepared to enforce consequences.

Don't Expect Them to Change: Accept who they are right now. Any decision you make about the relationship should be based on current behavior, not potential future change.

Limit Emotional Investment: Practice what's called "grey rocking"—becoming boring and unresponsive to their provocations. Don't feed into drama or try to make them understand your perspective through emotional appeals.

Protect Your Reality: Keep records of conversations and events if necessary. Trust your perceptions. Consider talking with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse.

Consider Distance: Sometimes the healthiest choice is to minimize or end contact. This isn't failure—it's self-preservation.

Moving Forward with Understanding

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn't about diagnosing everyone who's ever hurt us or excusing bad behavior. It's about recognizing a specific pattern that affects millions of people and causes real harm to those around them.

If you've been impacted by someone with NPD, know that your experiences are valid. The confusion, pain, and self-doubt are common reactions to an abnormal situation—they don't mean something is wrong with you.

For those with NPD who are reading this and recognizing themselves: change is possible, but it requires honest self-reflection, commitment to therapy, and a genuine willingness to sit with uncomfortable truths. It's not easy, but it is the path toward healthier relationships and a more stable sense of self.

Understanding is the first step. Whether that understanding leads to better boundaries, healthier relationships, or the courage to walk away, it's a foundation upon which you can rebuild your sense of self and reclaim your peace.

Have you had experiences with narcissistic personality disorder? What insights have helped you? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Gaslighting and Manipulation: Why Some People Make You Feel Crazy

Have you ever left a conversation feeling confused about what just happened, even though you were certain of the facts going in? Have you found yourself constantly apologizing or second-guessing your own memory and perceptions? If so, you may have experienced gaslighting—a form of psychological manipulation that can leave you questioning your own reality.

Understanding gaslighting and other manipulation tactics is crucial for protecting your mental health and maintaining healthy relationships. Let's explore what these behaviors look like, why they're so effective, and how to recognize them.

What Is Gaslighting?

The term "gaslighting" comes from a 1938 play (and later a 1944 film) called "Gaslight," in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she's going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying that the light has changed when she notices.

In modern usage, gaslighting refers to a pattern of manipulation where someone makes you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions. It's not just lying or disagreeing—it's a deliberate or habitual pattern of denying your experience to the point where you begin to doubt yourself.

Common Gaslighting Tactics

Gaslighting rarely happens in isolation. It typically involves multiple tactics used repeatedly over time:

Denying Events or Conversations

The gaslighter insists that something you clearly remember never happened. "I never said that," "That conversation never took place," or "You're imagining things." Even when presented with evidence like text messages or emails, they may claim you're misinterpreting them or taking things out of context.

Trivializing Your Feelings

When you express hurt or concern, they dismiss it as an overreaction. "You're too sensitive," "You're overreacting," "Why do you always make such a big deal out of nothing?" This teaches you that your emotional responses are invalid or excessive, making you less likely to trust your own feelings.

Countering and Questioning Your Memory

They challenge your recollection of events, even minor details. "That's not how it happened," "You always get the story wrong," or "Your memory is terrible." Over time, this erodes your confidence in your own mental faculties.

Withholding and Refusing to Listen

They pretend not to understand you or refuse to listen. "I don't know what you're talking about," "You're not making any sense," or simply changing the subject when you try to discuss something important. This invalidates your concerns and trains you to stop bringing things up.

Diverting and Deflecting

When confronted with their behavior, they change the subject or turn the tables. "Why are you always attacking me?" "What about that time you did X?" This shifts focus away from their actions and puts you on the defensive.

Using Compassion as a Weapon

They may express concern for your mental state in a way that feels caring but is actually undermining. "I'm worried about you," "Maybe you should talk to someone about your memory problems," or "You haven't been yourself lately." This plants seeds of doubt while appearing supportive.

Why Gaslighting Is So Effective

Gaslighting works because it exploits normal human psychology in several ways:

It Happens Gradually

Gaslighting rarely starts with blatant reality denial. It begins subtly—small contradictions, minor dismissals of your feelings. By the time the manipulation escalates, you're already in the pattern of doubting yourself.

It Exploits Trust

Gaslighting is most effective in relationships where there's emotional investment—romantic partners, family members, close friends, or authority figures. We naturally trust people we're close to, so when they contradict our reality, we're more likely to question ourselves than them.

It Creates Cognitive Dissonance

When there's a conflict between what you experienced and what someone you trust is telling you, your brain struggles to resolve this dissonance. Often, it's psychologically easier to doubt yourself than to accept that someone you care about is deliberately deceiving you.

It Isolates You

Gaslighters often work to isolate their targets from other perspectives. They may criticize your friends and family, monopolize your time, or convince you that others don't understand you the way they do. This isolation makes you increasingly dependent on the gaslighter's version of reality.

Related Manipulation Tactics

Gaslighting often occurs alongside other forms of manipulation:

Projection

The manipulator attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to you. If they're being dishonest, they accuse you of lying. If they're unfaithful, they accuse you of cheating. This deflects attention from their behavior and keeps you defending yourself.

Love Bombing and Intermittent Reinforcement

Early in a relationship, manipulators often shower you with attention, affection, and praise. Once you're invested, this positive treatment becomes unpredictable. You get occasional bursts of the "good" behavior mixed with manipulation, which can be more addictive than consistent kindness because you're always hoping to get back to those good moments.

Moving the Goalposts

No matter what you do, it's never quite right. You meet one standard, and they immediately change it. "I wish you'd spend more time at home" becomes "You're too clingy" once you do. This keeps you constantly striving for an approval that will never come.

Triangulation

They bring third parties into the dynamic, often to validate their perspective. "Everyone thinks you're overreacting," or "I was talking to [friend] and they agree with me about you." This makes you feel ganged up on and further isolated.

DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender

When confronted, they deny the behavior, attack you for bringing it up, and position themselves as the real victim. "I can't believe you would accuse me of that. After everything I've done for you, this is how you treat me?"

The Impact on Your Mental Health

Being subjected to consistent gaslighting and manipulation takes a serious toll:

Self-Doubt: You constantly question your own judgment, memory, and perceptions. Decision-making becomes paralyzing because you no longer trust yourself.

Anxiety and Hypervigilance: You become constantly alert, monitoring your behavior and the manipulator's mood, trying to prevent the next incident.

Depression: The erosion of self-trust and autonomy, combined with isolation and invalidation, often leads to depression.

Confusion and Brain Fog: The mental gymnastics of trying to reconcile conflicting realities is exhausting and can lead to difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly.

Loss of Identity: Over time, you may lose touch with your own values, preferences, and personality as you adapt to the manipulator's ever-changing expectations.

How to Recognize You're Being Gaslighted

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do you constantly second-guess yourself around this person?
• Do you frequently apologize, even when you're not sure what you did wrong?
• Do you make excuses for their behavior to others?
• Do you feel like you're "walking on eggshells"?
• Do you withhold information from them to avoid confrontation?
• Do you feel confused or "crazy" after interactions with them?
• Do you have trouble making simple decisions?
• Do you wonder if you're "too sensitive" multiple times a day?
• Do you feel like you were more confident and decisive before this relationship?

If you answered yes to several of these, you may be experiencing gaslighting or other forms of manipulation.

What You Can Do

Trust Your Perceptions

Start keeping a journal of events, conversations, and your feelings. When someone tells you something didn't happen, you'll have your own record to reference. This isn't about proving anything to the gaslighter—it's about maintaining your grip on reality.

Seek Outside Perspectives

Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who isn't influenced by the gaslighter. External validation can help you reality-check your experiences. Be wary if the person tries to discourage these outside relationships.

Set and Enforce Boundaries

Decide what behavior you will and won't accept. When those boundaries are crossed, follow through with consequences. Gaslighters often push back hard against boundaries because boundaries limit their control.

Limit Information Sharing

You don't owe the gaslighter access to your thoughts, feelings, or activities. Share less, especially emotional content they can later use against you. Practice "grey rocking"—being boring and unresponsive to provocations.

Recognize You Can't Change Them

Many people exhaust themselves trying to make the gaslighter "understand" or "see reason." But gaslighting isn't a misunderstanding—it's a pattern of behavior that serves the gaslighter's needs. You cannot logic someone out of behavior they didn't logic themselves into.

Consider Professional Support

A therapist experienced in emotional abuse can help you process your experiences, rebuild your self-trust, and develop strategies for protecting yourself. They can also help you determine whether the relationship is salvageable or whether distance is necessary.

Know When to Leave

Sometimes the healthiest choice is to end the relationship. This isn't defeat—it's self-preservation. If you're in a situation where leaving feels difficult or dangerous, reach out to resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for support and safety planning.

For Those Who Wonder If They Gaslight Others

If you're reading this and recognizing some of these behaviors in yourself, that awareness is valuable. We all occasionally invalidate others' feelings or remember events differently. The difference between normal human imperfection and gaslighting is pattern, frequency, and intent (conscious or unconscious).

If you find yourself regularly denying others' experiences, becoming defensive when confronted, or needing to "win" every disagreement, consider:

• Working with a therapist to understand why you engage in these patterns
• Practicing validation even when you disagree: "I understand you experienced it that way" doesn't mean you're wrong
• Taking responsibility when you hurt someone, regardless of intent
• Being curious rather than defensive when someone shares their perspective

Moving Forward

Understanding gaslighting and manipulation isn't about labeling everyone who's ever disagreed with you as a gaslighter. It's about recognizing a specific, harmful pattern that undermines your reality and self-trust.

If you've experienced gaslighting, recovery is possible. With time, support, and distance from the manipulation, you can rebuild trust in your own perceptions and judgment. Your reality is valid. Your feelings matter. You're not crazy—you're experiencing a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

The first step toward healing is recognizing what's happening. The next step is believing that you deserve better. Because you do.

If you found this information helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. Awareness is one of our strongest defenses against manipulation.

The Invisible Wounds: How Isolation, Gaslighting, and DARVO Destroyed My Mental Health

If you've ever felt like you're losing your mind in a relationship, like your reality is being rewritten before your eyes, like you can't trust your own thoughts anymore—you're not alone. And more importantly, you're not crazy.

For years, I lived in a fog of confusion, constantly questioning myself, walking on eggshells, and wondering why I always seemed to be the problem. It wasn't until I learned about isolation, gaslighting, and DARVO that I finally understood: I wasn't losing my mind. I was being systematically manipulated.

Today, I want to share my story and explain these three devastating psychological abuse tactics—because understanding them was the first step toward reclaiming my life.

What is Isolation?

Isolation is when an abuser deliberately cuts off the victim from their support system, making the abuser the victim's only point of reference and amplifying their control.

My Experience with Isolation

Looking back, the isolation didn't happen overnight. It was gradual, calculated, and disguised as love.

I wasn't allowed to keep a job. Every time I found employment, there was a reason I needed to quit. He'd say the hours were too long, that I was neglecting the relationship, that I was changing. Eventually, I stopped trying.

I wasn't allowed a phone early on in my relationship. He convinced me that I didn't need one, that we should be enough for each other. Without a phone, I had no way to reach out to friends or family independently. I was completely dependent on him for any connection to the outside world.

I had to delete everyone that wasn't his family off social media. He said my friends were bad influences, that they didn't understand our relationship, that they were trying to turn me against him. One by one, I removed them from my life—until my entire social media was just his family, his friends, his world.

I thought this was what commitment looked like. I thought it meant he loved me so much he wanted me all to himself.

I was wrong.

The Mental Health Impact of Isolation

The isolation left me with nowhere to turn, no one to reality-check my experiences with, and no escape route. When you have no outside perspective, you start to believe whatever you're told. You forget who you were before the relationship. You lose yourself.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the perpetrator manipulates the victim into doubting their own memory, perception, or sanity through lies, distortion, withholding information, and trivialisation. It's a strategy intended to break down the trust you have in your memory, instincts, and self-esteem, making you doubt yourself and depend more on the "objective" perspective of your partner.

My Experience with Gaslighting

The gaslighting in my relationship was constant and crazymaking.

I often get told to calm down when I am not even in a bad mood. I'd be speaking in a normal tone, simply expressing an opinion or asking a question, and he'd say, "Why are you getting so emotional?" or "You need to calm down." I wasn't yelling. I wasn't upset. But he'd insist I was, and eventually, I'd start to question myself: Am I being too emotional? Am I overreacting?

When I am not yelling or emotional, he treats me like I am. This made me constantly second-guess my own emotional state. If someone keeps telling you you're angry when you're not, you start to wonder if maybe you are angry and just don't realize it. You lose trust in your own feelings.

He denies small things that he does or turns it on me to make me feel bad for calling him out on it. If I'd point out something hurtful he said or did, he'd flat-out deny it happened, claim I was remembering it wrong, or twist it to make it seem like I was the one being unreasonable. "I never said that." "You're making things up." "Why are you always attacking me?"

I started keeping mental notes, replaying conversations in my head over and over, desperately trying to hold onto my version of reality. But even then, his conviction was so strong that I'd doubt myself.

The Mental Health Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting causes confusion, anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth, making victims question their own reality and lose sight of their own needs and boundaries.

I know this firsthand because I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, dissociation, and complex PTSD (CPTSD). These aren't just labels—they're the lasting scars of years of psychological manipulation.

What is DARVO?

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It involves a set of specific behaviors: first, the perpetrator vehemently denies that any wrongdoing has occurred; next, they go on the offensive, attacking the victim and anyone seeking to call them to account; finally, they reverse the roles, declaring themselves the victim and the actual victim to be the aggressor.

My Experience with DARVO

This was perhaps the most maddening tactic of all.

He will make me cry, keep something from me so that I will cause a scene or lose my cool, just so he can say, all he was doing was sitting there watching TV. He'd deliberately withhold information, ignore me, or do something he knew would upset me—then wait for me to react. And when I finally did react (crying, raising my voice, getting upset), he'd calmly point out that he wasn't doing anything wrong. He was just sitting there. I was the one being dramatic. I was the one causing problems.

He found a way to be abusive without being physical, and when I say anything about it, he tells me it's all in my head. Because there were no bruises, no visible evidence, it was easy for him to deny the abuse altogether. He'd paint me as paranoid, unstable, imagining things. And because I was anxious and emotional (from the abuse itself), it made his claims seem more believable—to others and sometimes even to me.

This is the insidious nature of DARVO. The abuser creates the conditions that make you react, then uses your reaction as proof that you're the problem.

The Mental Health Impact of DARVO

DARVO creates profound confusion, making victims feel disoriented and unsure of what actually occurred, which can lead to gaslighting where the victim starts to question their memory, perception, and sanity, and the repeated denial of reality makes the victim feel as though they cannot trust their own thoughts and feelings.

The long-term effects of DARVO on mental health are profound and far-reaching, often resulting in anxiety, depression, self-blame, and confusion.

How These Tactics Work Together

Isolation, gaslighting, and DARVO don't exist in isolation—they work together to create a web of control that's nearly impossible to escape.

Isolation removes your support system, leaving you with no one to validate your reality.

Gaslighting makes you doubt your own perceptions and memories.

DARVO flips the script entirely, making you seem like the abuser and him the victim.

Together, these tactics create a prison without walls. You're trapped not by physical force, but by psychological manipulation that rewrites your reality.

The Lasting Effects

The abuse didn't end when the relationship behaviors happened. The effects have followed me long after.

I have trouble being around people. The isolation conditioned me to be alone, and the gaslighting made me distrust my own social instincts. Being around others now triggers anxiety—what if I say something wrong? What if I'm being "too emotional" again? What if they think I'm crazy?

I struggle with trusting people. When someone systematically destroys your ability to trust yourself, it becomes nearly impossible to trust others. I question people's motives. I overanalyze their words. I wait for the moment they'll turn on me, deny what they said, or make me feel like I'm imagining things.

My diagnoses—anxiety, depression, dissociation, and CPTSD—are direct results of years of psychological abuse. Victims of these tactics often find themselves in a constant state of hypervigilance, fearing further accusations, conflict, or emotional manipulation, which can lead to generalized anxiety disorder and chronic, excessive worry. In more severe cases, prolonged exposure can contribute to post-traumatic stress disorder, where the victim may become haunted by flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts related to the manipulative events.

Victims may also suffer trauma-related symptoms, depression, anxiety and panic attacks, with effects on wellbeing that are devastating and long-lasting.

Why I'm Sharing This

I'm sharing my story because for the longest time, I didn't have the words to describe what was happening to me. I didn't know that isolation, gaslighting, and DARVO were actual abuse tactics with names, patterns, and documented effects.

I thought I was just weak, too sensitive, or mentally unstable.

Learning these terms gave me clarity. It helped me understand that what I experienced was real, that it wasn't my fault, and that I wasn't alone.

If any part of my story resonates with you, please know:

• You're not imagining it.

• You're not too sensitive.

• You're not crazy.

• What's happening to you has a name, and it's called abuse.

Moving Forward

Recovery is possible, but it's not linear. I still struggle every day with the effects of what I went through. But I'm learning to:

• Trust my own perceptions again. When I feel something, I honor that feeling instead of immediately questioning it.

• Rebuild my support system. I'm slowly reconnecting with people, even though it's terrifying.

• Seek professional help. Therapy has been crucial in helping me understand my diagnoses and develop coping strategies.

• Set boundaries. I'm learning that it's okay to protect myself, to say no, and to walk away from situations that don't feel right.

Healing takes time, especially when the wounds are invisible. But every day I choose to trust myself a little more is a victory.

If You're Still in It

If you're currently experiencing isolation, gaslighting, or DARVO in your relationship, please reach out for help. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or contact a domestic violence hotline. You deserve support, validation, and safety.

You deserve relationships built on honesty, respect, and genuine care. You deserve to trust yourself again. And you deserve to heal.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text "START" to 88788.